Insomniac Brain Droppings

If I bought a bottle of beer packaged in a stoat, would I feel ripped off if it didn’t have a stoat-like character to the flavor? It’d be pretty weird to be disappointed that a beer for which you had paid a ton of money didn’t taste like mustelid barf.

When I started running, why didn’t anyone tell me about the hemorrhoids?

One of the people I follow on Twitter sent out a time-dependent tweet that a bunch of his followers re-tweeted.  This cluttered up my feed and annoyed me.  Which was doubled by the fact that the original post was to an already-expired event.  I am still irrationally irritated by this, because people just now checking Twitter are still re-tweeting it two days later.  Like my burning and intense hatred of Taylor Swift, this is a First World Problem.

The Tour de France tests for all sorts of performance-enhancing medical procedures.  The one they don’t test for is the one with an apparent success rate of 100%: nearly die of metastasized testicular cancer and undergo a grueling treatment regimen of brain surgery and body-destroying chemo.  I will be completely unsurprised when one of them gets the bright idea to get an orchiectomy as a performance enhancement on the theory that it worked for Juan Pelota.

If you get stuck in an elevator that is not moving, and someone starts madly mashing the buttons saying, “it’s not working” it’s probably not a good idea to point out that while technically correct (i.e. the elevator is not providing a force over distance) it is, in fact, partially functional in that you are not a puddle of goo in the basement.  The Plummet Arrestor aspect of the elevator is so often overlooked.

The real problem with Cars 2 was that there were no Clarkson, May, and Hammond cars.  They had Car Talk guys in the first one, why weren’t the Top Gear crew in the sequel?

Insomnia sucks.


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